So, after a period of time recieving an abundance of intros from "non-winners," there comes that brilliantly shining moment that makes this teddious, degrading, and frustrating process all worth it. A gentleman of intrest finally responds. "Halleluiah" chorus' sound in your head along with bells and whistles accompanied by those carnival lights like on "Wheel of Fortune" game pieces.
It is a beautiful moment.
Its intoxicating when you meet someone with whom you feel a mutual interest. If they are a respectable bloke, you will email back and forth a few times... and its always with such ease. I've met guys on these things who I have spent the better part of a night, well past midnight clicking refresh because the conversation is so stimulating and enjoyable. You get to spend the day with a hitch in your giddy up and you feel bubbly in your tummy and you know for sure this time its not just gas!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Um.... Stuff and junk and things.... O.o
So... I do not consider myself a genius by any means. Im sure my opinions and judgments on people's attitudes, intelligence, and approach may sometimes seem rather uppity. I'm really not. I just simply recognize that I put a lot of value in presentation and appearance. Not in the shallow sort of way, more of a "I care about how I represent myself to the world" sort of way.
For example: I'll talk about me for a bit.
I can often be a space cadette, I'm not always on point. I am a complete goofball. I enjoy laughing at fart noises and if you give me a slice of an orange with the skin still on it, don't be surprised if when you turn around, the next time you look at me it's in my mouth and I've got some dumb shit eating grin on my face. When I walk out my door and enter the world each day, my clothes might not be crisp, but they are reasonably neat and they fully represent me in all of my bright, loud uniqueness. I do not aspire to live in a mansion, own a jet, or vacation in the carribean on my private yacht; however I do desire to better myself and my own corner of the world the best I can with my time in it. To me that means loving those I meet everyday, taking every opportunity I get to learn a new lesson and sometimes the same one over and over again, and realize the opportunities that arise to combine the two to help those around me when I am able. Please know, given all that, I am far from sainthood, nor do I want it. I get angry, I sometimes have a short fuze. I can say mean hurtful things when I feel offended or threatened. My thoughts are sarcastic, dark and jaded as a result of life. Despite these things, I have hope: for love, for a better world, and for general happiness. In my very core, I am an optimist.
Me. Simply, human.
I have standards and expectations, wants and desires for my mate-to-be. I'm not looking for Bill Gates brain, wrapped up in Johnny Depps body, with Donald Trumps bank account. I won't deny that that would be a beautiful thing, but I doubt anyone is quite that lucky.
No, I believe that if I don't hold a reasonably high standard for "him" that we may end up unevenly yolked and that could spell bad ju-ju in the end. I don't want to set either of us up for negativity. So there you have it...
For example: I'll talk about me for a bit.
I can often be a space cadette, I'm not always on point. I am a complete goofball. I enjoy laughing at fart noises and if you give me a slice of an orange with the skin still on it, don't be surprised if when you turn around, the next time you look at me it's in my mouth and I've got some dumb shit eating grin on my face. When I walk out my door and enter the world each day, my clothes might not be crisp, but they are reasonably neat and they fully represent me in all of my bright, loud uniqueness. I do not aspire to live in a mansion, own a jet, or vacation in the carribean on my private yacht; however I do desire to better myself and my own corner of the world the best I can with my time in it. To me that means loving those I meet everyday, taking every opportunity I get to learn a new lesson and sometimes the same one over and over again, and realize the opportunities that arise to combine the two to help those around me when I am able. Please know, given all that, I am far from sainthood, nor do I want it. I get angry, I sometimes have a short fuze. I can say mean hurtful things when I feel offended or threatened. My thoughts are sarcastic, dark and jaded as a result of life. Despite these things, I have hope: for love, for a better world, and for general happiness. In my very core, I am an optimist.
Me. Simply, human.
I have standards and expectations, wants and desires for my mate-to-be. I'm not looking for Bill Gates brain, wrapped up in Johnny Depps body, with Donald Trumps bank account. I won't deny that that would be a beautiful thing, but I doubt anyone is quite that lucky.
No, I believe that if I don't hold a reasonably high standard for "him" that we may end up unevenly yolked and that could spell bad ju-ju in the end. I don't want to set either of us up for negativity. So there you have it...
Friday, May 13, 2011
Envelopes, batted eyelashes and pointed fingers
There is the icon...Pretty and bright. Everything inside seems to swell with anticipation. It screams "interest!" "possibility!" "potential!"
With hope and excitement you click the flashy icon. And then click on the new file...
What do you get? What is your reward for putting yourself out there online?
Well... It can go a million ways... And that's the part that frustrates me...
"hi."
- really? I appreciate the effort and bravery it takes to take the chance on putting an email out. I'm flattered that I was worth the possibility of rejection. However, hi really isn't much of a conversation starter. And perhaps you aren't looking for conversation, but simply physical connection. Either way, with a simple hi, I'm bored with you already... I'm underwhelmed by the fact that your opening vocabulary is a single word. I'll look at your profile, and if it is better written than your opening line, I might respond in kind with a hello back in hopes that perhaps you'll get to the point or SOMETHING...
"I'm interested"
- not much better. When I saw that you had sent me an email, I kind picked up on that all on my own, but thanks for letting me know. The clarification is appreciated.
"your cute and look like fun, wanna hook up?"
- generally every time I've received one like this, it is always looking for sex. As flattering as knowing your weinus isn't picky is, thanks but no thanks. If what I was looking for was an easy lay or another notch on the bed post... Trust me, Hun, it'd be clearly stated in my title. Not only that, I require a bit more out of a partner than a pulse. Call me stuck up, but sex actually means something to me and my hoo hoo is not game for any Tom with a Harry Dick.
"hey, my name is( insert generic masculine name here). I saw your profile and I thought( insert random piece of profile here) was really interesting. Would you like to chat some time?"
- BINGO! Now we are getting somewhere. The flattery of knowing you pay even a remote bit of attention to detail means SO much! Yes, infact I'd love to chat.
"My name is ( insert other random male name)
(insert list of random personal factiods)
Hope to hear from you soon!"
- although a bit self-centered in tone, I appreciate these because they are interesting and take time and effort to produce... In all honesty, I'd rather listen to someone talk about their likes and interests than ramble on about my own. I will frequently respond to these.
These are just a few of the types of opening emails I've received. Lord help the world...
With hope and excitement you click the flashy icon. And then click on the new file...
What do you get? What is your reward for putting yourself out there online?
Well... It can go a million ways... And that's the part that frustrates me...
"hi."
- really? I appreciate the effort and bravery it takes to take the chance on putting an email out. I'm flattered that I was worth the possibility of rejection. However, hi really isn't much of a conversation starter. And perhaps you aren't looking for conversation, but simply physical connection. Either way, with a simple hi, I'm bored with you already... I'm underwhelmed by the fact that your opening vocabulary is a single word. I'll look at your profile, and if it is better written than your opening line, I might respond in kind with a hello back in hopes that perhaps you'll get to the point or SOMETHING...
"I'm interested"
- not much better. When I saw that you had sent me an email, I kind picked up on that all on my own, but thanks for letting me know. The clarification is appreciated.
"your cute and look like fun, wanna hook up?"
- generally every time I've received one like this, it is always looking for sex. As flattering as knowing your weinus isn't picky is, thanks but no thanks. If what I was looking for was an easy lay or another notch on the bed post... Trust me, Hun, it'd be clearly stated in my title. Not only that, I require a bit more out of a partner than a pulse. Call me stuck up, but sex actually means something to me and my hoo hoo is not game for any Tom with a Harry Dick.
"hey, my name is( insert generic masculine name here). I saw your profile and I thought( insert random piece of profile here) was really interesting. Would you like to chat some time?"
- BINGO! Now we are getting somewhere. The flattery of knowing you pay even a remote bit of attention to detail means SO much! Yes, infact I'd love to chat.
"My name is ( insert other random male name)
(insert list of random personal factiods)
Hope to hear from you soon!"
- although a bit self-centered in tone, I appreciate these because they are interesting and take time and effort to produce... In all honesty, I'd rather listen to someone talk about their likes and interests than ramble on about my own. I will frequently respond to these.
These are just a few of the types of opening emails I've received. Lord help the world...
Thursday, March 31, 2011
You know, Like that one Meg Ryan flick.
This generations version of sitting by the phone. Clicking the refresh button on the "viewed me" section in auto pilot, thinking perhaps something will change. A new viewer, a wink, a message, a poke... anything!
Most sites have an option where you can see who views you... I like and abhore this function all together. Its nice to see that your picture and perhaps basic stats pull in the views, but after the novelty of that wears off, you realize that unless this "view" corresponds with a resultant "flirt" of sorts, you dont meet their requirements... and that knowledge is just simply: cruel. What good is it knowing that "single907", "xxxtremepirate", and "b00tyman" have looked at my interwebz extention of me if they arent impressed enough to say "Hi." I think this application is well intentioned, it gives off the impression that you are popular if you are heftily viewed, but functionally it is more brutal than real life dating, its a newwer more raw form of rejection. In historical forms of dating, ie, my mothers glory days of bar hopping: you could go to the bar (otherwise known as the meat market) and have a good time. Most people went with a group of friends in varying numbers. You could set up camp at the bar, hit the floor and shake your groove thing as it were, or wander around touring the place. But all this time you could be blissfully unaware of the member of the opposite sex that has scanned you and then passed you by. I think it is much more humane to remain oblivious to disintrest. Ignorance allows for a lot fewwer blowes to ones self esteem.
However, every so often there is that gratifying moment:
That glowing, sparkly icon appears!
A notification, "you've got mail."
All of a sudden that agonizing torture of waiting is completely and totally worth it.
You hope >.<
Most sites have an option where you can see who views you... I like and abhore this function all together. Its nice to see that your picture and perhaps basic stats pull in the views, but after the novelty of that wears off, you realize that unless this "view" corresponds with a resultant "flirt" of sorts, you dont meet their requirements... and that knowledge is just simply: cruel. What good is it knowing that "single907", "xxxtremepirate", and "b00tyman" have looked at my interwebz extention of me if they arent impressed enough to say "Hi." I think this application is well intentioned, it gives off the impression that you are popular if you are heftily viewed, but functionally it is more brutal than real life dating, its a newwer more raw form of rejection. In historical forms of dating, ie, my mothers glory days of bar hopping: you could go to the bar (otherwise known as the meat market) and have a good time. Most people went with a group of friends in varying numbers. You could set up camp at the bar, hit the floor and shake your groove thing as it were, or wander around touring the place. But all this time you could be blissfully unaware of the member of the opposite sex that has scanned you and then passed you by. I think it is much more humane to remain oblivious to disintrest. Ignorance allows for a lot fewwer blowes to ones self esteem.
However, every so often there is that gratifying moment:
That glowing, sparkly icon appears!
A notification, "you've got mail."
All of a sudden that agonizing torture of waiting is completely and totally worth it.
You hope >.<
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Welcome to the dog show
So after the profile and pictures are posted you get peruse the other profiles. Most sites have a series of questions that they ask to help refine your search for you. Aren't they sweet? Height, age, sexual orientation, eye color/ hair color and type/facial hair preference, and even income, level of education, relationship status... One of these days they will include a virtual inspection of the anal glands and breeding credentials.... Seriously... I'm all for knowing what you want in a mate, but if you are going to get that indepth, you are going set yourself up for disappointment... In the end you'll have weeded everyone out and created an unrealistic expectation of this "perfect" person. Good luck.
Me? I leave a lot open... I think. I really don't care too much about most of that.... Though i prefer my men taller than me... And perhaps a bit older.
See, where I get really picky is the profile and if he initiates conversation, the content of his opening contact. If i haven't already checked out the profile, i will do so before i respond to an email. If either are weak, i will not reply. If he blathers about how uncomfortable he is with talking about himself... Or misspells simple words, uses improper grammar, or complains about how difficult life is and how lonely he is... Yeah... Big turn offs to me. I know I'm not perfect, but I try and I know I have baggage but its mine. I can no less expect him to want mine, why would he think I'd want his?! As for opening lines... Don't ask me if I give happy endings, or tell me you think I'm sexy (I'll appreciate the compliment, but I'm not looking for them when you only have a picture to go by), or tell me you want to get to know me but are too busy to call me yourself but here's your phone number so call you sometime ( I may not be a Kardashian, but if you are too busy to put out the effort to pursue me, I've got better guys worthy of my time who actually are available, Kthxbai!)....
I'm not the princess type, but i do conform to a few specific gender rules. I will respect you, admire you, and give to you in exchange for the same in return. I am likely to cook and clean for you if you pursue me. I will likely pursue you if you open doors and make me feel of value to you. I don't think that its a lot to expect the best out of the person i may possibly be giving me heart to... Is it?
Me? I leave a lot open... I think. I really don't care too much about most of that.... Though i prefer my men taller than me... And perhaps a bit older.
See, where I get really picky is the profile and if he initiates conversation, the content of his opening contact. If i haven't already checked out the profile, i will do so before i respond to an email. If either are weak, i will not reply. If he blathers about how uncomfortable he is with talking about himself... Or misspells simple words, uses improper grammar, or complains about how difficult life is and how lonely he is... Yeah... Big turn offs to me. I know I'm not perfect, but I try and I know I have baggage but its mine. I can no less expect him to want mine, why would he think I'd want his?! As for opening lines... Don't ask me if I give happy endings, or tell me you think I'm sexy (I'll appreciate the compliment, but I'm not looking for them when you only have a picture to go by), or tell me you want to get to know me but are too busy to call me yourself but here's your phone number so call you sometime ( I may not be a Kardashian, but if you are too busy to put out the effort to pursue me, I've got better guys worthy of my time who actually are available, Kthxbai!)....
I'm not the princess type, but i do conform to a few specific gender rules. I will respect you, admire you, and give to you in exchange for the same in return. I am likely to cook and clean for you if you pursue me. I will likely pursue you if you open doors and make me feel of value to you. I don't think that its a lot to expect the best out of the person i may possibly be giving me heart to... Is it?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Profiling, also known as the Pitch.
As with any social media it is a must to fill out a profile. These dating sites are no exception to that rule. However in this instance, everyone becomes a car dealer. The gender: make, age: model, ethnicity: color. The "about me" is your carfax report and the "looking for" is your who this is best suited for.
Like any car dealer worth his beans, no one tells the truth, the whole truth, so help them, God. Thats just insane. You dont let all those juicy details out until the purchase has been made and even then you hope they dont come to surface until the merchandise has been taken home and shown to momma.
So, here is it: My sales pitch
The Ellie
Make: Female
Model: 1984
Color: exterior; caucasian, interior; native american
About this car:
I've lived in Alaska all my life and still hate the cold. I am a single mother of one, working in a chiropractic office as a massage therapist. I've been living a very hectic life for the last several years and now that I'm settling into my career and have a regular schedual, I'm ready to meet someone to share adventures with.
I have a wide array of interests. I'm a bit of a nerd. I do love to read quite a lot. I generally stick to fiction/fantasy, but will occasionally pick up something historical or educational. I'm also a movie fanatic, I watch a bit of everythng. As far as music goes, I tend to be ecclectic, though country will make me want to bash my head in. If required, I can tolerate it. When I have the time and the inspiration is there I like to draw, paint, sculpt or write. I have passion for art, but I don't consider myself exceptionally talented. I am a devout Christian, but please don't take that to mean i am prudish. I'm what I like to call a liberal Christian. Im a firm believer, however I do believe everyone has a right to their own beliefs and the freedom to make their own choices. I can be crass and outspoken on a good day. I love to challenge people, and love a good debate. Im quick witted and can have a sharpe tongue. I am talented at speaking before thinking and rarely mean to offend. I have several tattoos and several piercings, with plans for more of each. I have a broad definition of beauty and art and body art and modifications fit in to it. I hate the winter. Yes, I know I live in the wrong state, but I am tied here for the time being. I love the summers though. I'd love to meet someone to play outside with, however, I am not big on fishing nor do i hunt... camping I can take in small doses. I love my job, work ebbs and flows, but I like that. I'm not much of a partier so I really don't go to bars or clubs very often, when I do, it's to dance. I enjoy going on long drives. I live for random adventures. I grew up with 2 parents who were amazing cooks so I have a passion for good eats, I consider myself a bit of a foodie.
You should look in to this car if:
That is still very fluid. I'm looking for a companion. Someone to share life with, weather it be a game of cards on the floor, a movie on the couch, a trip through Canada in the car, an outing to an event or anything else that comes about... I don't want someone who loves everything i love, i want someone who has a passion for anything and everything and wants to share that passion with me. I tend to like my men tall and bulky, it makes me feel safe. I suppose it'd be nice to find a gentleman with a twist. By that, i mean polite, kind, good natured, with a flare for the more unconventional... Tattoos, piercings, an intelligent conversation with multiple syllable words mixed in with a swear word and a sick sense of humor.
None of these are requirements or deal breakers, simply things that would be a plus.
And after the sales pitch, you select a picture or 10 that shows off the eye catching qualities of this handsome machine while trying to conceal the dings and worn areas... Because the picture really is the most important part. Everyone remembers when mom said, "Never judge a book by it's cover..." Well honestly, if you dont have an eye catching picture, what are the chances that your snazzy, well worded profile is ever going to be read? With out the perfect picture, you've really just wasted 30 mins of your life you're never going to get back because who wants to make that sort of commitment with out knowing what kind of eyesore they are going to be stuck with? Really...?
After all of that agonizing work, you click the "Post" button... and wait for the offers to come in.
tick
tock
tick
tock
Like any car dealer worth his beans, no one tells the truth, the whole truth, so help them, God. Thats just insane. You dont let all those juicy details out until the purchase has been made and even then you hope they dont come to surface until the merchandise has been taken home and shown to momma.
So, here is it: My sales pitch
The Ellie
Make: Female
Model: 1984
Color: exterior; caucasian, interior; native american
About this car:
I've lived in Alaska all my life and still hate the cold. I am a single mother of one, working in a chiropractic office as a massage therapist. I've been living a very hectic life for the last several years and now that I'm settling into my career and have a regular schedual, I'm ready to meet someone to share adventures with.
I have a wide array of interests. I'm a bit of a nerd. I do love to read quite a lot. I generally stick to fiction/fantasy, but will occasionally pick up something historical or educational. I'm also a movie fanatic, I watch a bit of everythng. As far as music goes, I tend to be ecclectic, though country will make me want to bash my head in. If required, I can tolerate it. When I have the time and the inspiration is there I like to draw, paint, sculpt or write. I have passion for art, but I don't consider myself exceptionally talented. I am a devout Christian, but please don't take that to mean i am prudish. I'm what I like to call a liberal Christian. Im a firm believer, however I do believe everyone has a right to their own beliefs and the freedom to make their own choices. I can be crass and outspoken on a good day. I love to challenge people, and love a good debate. Im quick witted and can have a sharpe tongue. I am talented at speaking before thinking and rarely mean to offend. I have several tattoos and several piercings, with plans for more of each. I have a broad definition of beauty and art and body art and modifications fit in to it. I hate the winter. Yes, I know I live in the wrong state, but I am tied here for the time being. I love the summers though. I'd love to meet someone to play outside with, however, I am not big on fishing nor do i hunt... camping I can take in small doses. I love my job, work ebbs and flows, but I like that. I'm not much of a partier so I really don't go to bars or clubs very often, when I do, it's to dance. I enjoy going on long drives. I live for random adventures. I grew up with 2 parents who were amazing cooks so I have a passion for good eats, I consider myself a bit of a foodie.
You should look in to this car if:
That is still very fluid. I'm looking for a companion. Someone to share life with, weather it be a game of cards on the floor, a movie on the couch, a trip through Canada in the car, an outing to an event or anything else that comes about... I don't want someone who loves everything i love, i want someone who has a passion for anything and everything and wants to share that passion with me. I tend to like my men tall and bulky, it makes me feel safe. I suppose it'd be nice to find a gentleman with a twist. By that, i mean polite, kind, good natured, with a flare for the more unconventional... Tattoos, piercings, an intelligent conversation with multiple syllable words mixed in with a swear word and a sick sense of humor.
None of these are requirements or deal breakers, simply things that would be a plus.
And after the sales pitch, you select a picture or 10 that shows off the eye catching qualities of this handsome machine while trying to conceal the dings and worn areas... Because the picture really is the most important part. Everyone remembers when mom said, "Never judge a book by it's cover..." Well honestly, if you dont have an eye catching picture, what are the chances that your snazzy, well worded profile is ever going to be read? With out the perfect picture, you've really just wasted 30 mins of your life you're never going to get back because who wants to make that sort of commitment with out knowing what kind of eyesore they are going to be stuck with? Really...?
After all of that agonizing work, you click the "Post" button... and wait for the offers to come in.
tick
tock
tick
tock
Monday, February 21, 2011
Introductions, otherwise known as a disclaimer.
I'm still not sure who's idea this was... I refuse to take full responsibility. I'll blame peer pressure, that all too easy scapegoat. Maybe even Disney, hallmark, or the media... The wide spread commercialism of love, romance, and all things mushy. Or simply that stupid chromosome that allows me to crave ice-cream in mass quantities once a month, causes me to cry at the movies, and produce the urge to buy fully nonfunctional shoes because they are "cute".
I'll let you decide, either way... I'm dating...
My name is Ellie. A soul-searching twenty something looking to find her "other half," whatever that means.
Ive never really dated. Not even as a teen. I was (and honestly, still am) very selfconcious. In general I'm quite oblivious to others interest. When interest is expressed, I'm fairly baffeled and find myself at a loss for words. Like any "normal" human, i crave interaction with others... However find myself "strange." When I was assembled, i don't think i was given a properly functioning filter. I have a talent for saying the wrong thing at just the right time. And that's when I feel I have something to say... I'm a highly passionate person... And by that i mean that i see the world and all it holds in a different light and it just makes my blood course and my mind buzz. But I'd rather experience it through others... My deepest interest is in listening to other peoples stories. So, because of that, i don't talk a whole lot. I know a lot about a little and a little about a lot, so I'd rather absorb than spout off at the mouth. I wonder often if that comes off as uninteresting, or perhaps judgmental. I can be out spoken at times, and I tend to have a sick sense of humor. And there you have a taste of my personality.
By no means will I ever claim to be a Reese Witherspoon, Megan Fox, or Klhoe Kardashian. I feel much more comfortable classifying myself with lady's such as Rosie Odonnell, Kirstie Alley, Kathy Bates, or Rosanne Barr. I have curves and lots of them. Sadly, I don't have a chest to balance out my ample posterior. My face is reasonably average, really. The hair is my statement maker. I've been nearly ever color under the sun, natural and the not so much. I'm proud of a lot of my features, but that doesn't mean that I don't know I'm a unconventional beauty.
As I'm drawing near to 30 and many of my friends are married and building homes and families to fill them, I, the once "ahead of the game-r," am now feeling quite left behind which I'm finding rather lonely. So, with that in mind, along with the former and the advent of Internet dating, i myself am getting on the "market."
This is my story:
I'll let you decide, either way... I'm dating...
My name is Ellie. A soul-searching twenty something looking to find her "other half," whatever that means.
Ive never really dated. Not even as a teen. I was (and honestly, still am) very selfconcious. In general I'm quite oblivious to others interest. When interest is expressed, I'm fairly baffeled and find myself at a loss for words. Like any "normal" human, i crave interaction with others... However find myself "strange." When I was assembled, i don't think i was given a properly functioning filter. I have a talent for saying the wrong thing at just the right time. And that's when I feel I have something to say... I'm a highly passionate person... And by that i mean that i see the world and all it holds in a different light and it just makes my blood course and my mind buzz. But I'd rather experience it through others... My deepest interest is in listening to other peoples stories. So, because of that, i don't talk a whole lot. I know a lot about a little and a little about a lot, so I'd rather absorb than spout off at the mouth. I wonder often if that comes off as uninteresting, or perhaps judgmental. I can be out spoken at times, and I tend to have a sick sense of humor. And there you have a taste of my personality.
By no means will I ever claim to be a Reese Witherspoon, Megan Fox, or Klhoe Kardashian. I feel much more comfortable classifying myself with lady's such as Rosie Odonnell, Kirstie Alley, Kathy Bates, or Rosanne Barr. I have curves and lots of them. Sadly, I don't have a chest to balance out my ample posterior. My face is reasonably average, really. The hair is my statement maker. I've been nearly ever color under the sun, natural and the not so much. I'm proud of a lot of my features, but that doesn't mean that I don't know I'm a unconventional beauty.
As I'm drawing near to 30 and many of my friends are married and building homes and families to fill them, I, the once "ahead of the game-r," am now feeling quite left behind which I'm finding rather lonely. So, with that in mind, along with the former and the advent of Internet dating, i myself am getting on the "market."
This is my story:
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)