Envelopes, batted eyelashes and pointed fingers

There is the icon...Pretty and bright. Everything inside seems to swell with anticipation. It screams "interest!" "possibility!" "potential!"

With hope and excitement you click the flashy icon. And then click on the new file...

What do you get? What is your reward for putting yourself out there online?

Well... It can go a million ways... And that's the part that frustrates me...


"hi."
- really? I appreciate the effort and bravery it takes to take the chance on putting an email out. I'm flattered that I was worth the possibility of rejection. However, hi really isn't much of a conversation starter. And perhaps you aren't looking for conversation, but simply physical connection. Either way, with a simple hi, I'm bored with you already... I'm underwhelmed by the fact that your opening vocabulary is a single word. I'll look at your profile, and if it is better written than your opening line, I might respond in kind with a hello back in hopes that perhaps you'll get to the point or SOMETHING...

"I'm interested"
- not much better. When I saw that you had sent me an email, I kind picked up on that all on my own, but thanks for letting me know. The clarification is appreciated.

"your cute and look like fun, wanna hook up?"
- generally every time I've received one like this, it is always looking for sex. As flattering as knowing your weinus isn't picky is, thanks but no thanks. If what I was looking for was an easy lay or another notch on the bed post... Trust me, Hun, it'd be clearly stated in my title. Not only that, I require a bit more out of a partner than a pulse. Call me stuck up, but sex actually means something to me and my hoo hoo is not game for any Tom with a Harry Dick.

"hey, my name is( insert generic masculine name here). I saw your profile and I thought( insert random piece of profile here) was really interesting. Would you like to chat some time?"
- BINGO! Now we are getting somewhere. The flattery of knowing you pay even a remote bit of attention to detail means SO much! Yes, infact I'd love to chat.

"My name is ( insert other random male name)
(insert list of random personal factiods)
Hope to hear from you soon!"
- although a bit self-centered in tone, I appreciate these because they are interesting and take time and effort to produce... In all honesty, I'd rather listen to someone talk about their likes and interests than ramble on about my own. I will frequently respond to these.

These are just a few of the types of opening emails I've received. Lord help the world...